Many couples experience challenges that strain their connection. Loneliness, isolation, constant arguments, and a lack of intimacy can leave you feeling lost and disconnected. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.
As a Certified Gottman Method Therapist (and one of the few black Gottman certified therapists in the United States), I can help you reconnect and thrive in your relationship. I also specialize in LGBTQ couples therapy and black couples therap . Continue reading about the couples therapy process or read more about me.
Do You Feel Like You've Fallen out of Love?
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Do you love your partner/spouse but no longer like him or her?
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Is your marriage relationship in trouble?
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Communication problems?
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Are you at a loss as to what to do next?
These feelings are more common than you might think. Many couples experience periods of disconnect and struggle to communicate effectively. The good news is, there's hope for improvement. The Gottman Method, which I utilize in therapy, is specifically designed to address communication issues in relationships. For a deeper dive into the Gottman Method, visit our dedicated information page.
Signs You Need Couples Therapy
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Do you feel lonely or disconnected from your partner?
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Are arguments a constant source of stress?
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Is it difficult to solve problems together?
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Has intimacy and romance faded away?
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If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, couples therapy can be a powerful tool for positive change.
How Couples Therapy Can Help
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Improve communication and listen to each other more effectively.
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Rebuild trust and strengthen your emotional connection.
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Address specific concerns like finances, parenting, or in-laws.
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Learn healthy conflict management skills to overcome challenges together.
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Gain a deeper understanding of each other's needs and perspectives.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy with Me
Therapy with me begins with a thorough assessment, including the Gottman Relationship Checkup and initial sessions to understand your unique situation. Together, we'll develop a personalized treatment plan to address your specific needs and goals. Sessions typically involve both partners and may include individual sessions as needed.
Following an initial assessment, couples engage in weekly or bi-weekly sessions to embark on their relationship transformation journey. Positive changes often emerge within six sessions, and many couples find significant benefit from completing twelve to sixteen sessions before adjusting the session frequency.
The Gottman Method
The Gottman Method isn't just another couples therapy approach. It's a roadmap to rediscovering the love and connection that brought you together in the first place. Developed by renowned therapists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-based approach goes beyond simply resolving arguments. It equips you with the tools to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
Imagine being able to truly listen to your partner, understand their needs, and express your own in a way that fosters understanding and closeness. That's the power of the Gottman Method. Through a series of exercises and techniques, you'll learn to:
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Build "Love Maps": Develop a deeper understanding of your partner's world – their hopes, dreams, fears, and stresses.
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Turn Towards Bids for Connection: Recognize and respond to your partner's attempts to connect, fostering a sense of security and emotional intimacy.
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Manage Conflict Constructively: Learn to navigate disagreements in a healthy way, focusing on solutions rather than blame.
By addressing the root causes of conflict and nurturing a deeper emotional connection, the Gottman Method empowers you to reconnect and thrive as a couple. The Gottman Method is the approach John uses during couples therapy. See the button below to learn more about the Gottman Method of therapy.
Couples Therapy Options
Extended Couples Therapy
Need more time to address complex and complicated issues in your relationship? Our Extended Couples Therapy sessions offer dedicated, longer sessions tailored to your specific needs.
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Availability: Couples who already attend sessions weekly or twice a month.
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Extended Session Length: 2 to 3-hour sessions.
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Dive in Deep Into Issues: This is for couples who may have a particular that can be processed over an extended period of time.​
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Current Clients: Open to couples who already see West Coast Psychotherapy for weekly or bi-weekly sessions.
How Much Does Couples Therapy Cost?
Weekly Couples Therapy
Sessions
Initial Assessment: (3) 90-min sessions ea: $450 per session (total $1,350)
Weekly Therapy Options
Option 1(recommended):
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90-min session - $450
Option 2:
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75-min session - $400
*These are fees for weekly therapy. For other couples options, see Intensive Couples Therapy or Couples Retreats.
Extended Couples Therapy Options
In-Person only at the Oakland California office or within a 2-hour drive. Occurs 1x or 2x per month.
Extended Session Options
Option 1: (2) 90-minute sessions with a break $900
Option 2: (2) 90-minute sessions within a 2-hour drive of Oakland, CA - $1200
*These are fees for weekly therapy. For other couples options, see Intensive Couples Therapy or Couples Retreats.
Communication Problems
What is Communication (Really)?
Traditional definitions, like those from Merriam-Webster and The Business Dictionary, focus on the exchange of information or ideas. But in a relationship, communication goes deeper. It's about sharing not just words, but also feelings, needs, and experiences. It's about truly connecting and understanding your partner on a deeper level.
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I define communication as the exchange of energy and information that builds connection and fosters a sense of shared reality within a relationship.
Why Do Couples Struggle to Communicate?
Many factors contribute to communication breakdowns:
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Unmet Needs: When needs aren't communicated clearly, resentment can build.
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Negative Communication Patterns: Habits like criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt (The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, as identified by Gottman and Gottman) create a toxic environment.
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Lack of Listening Skills: Truly listening involves not just hearing words, but also paying attention to nonverbal cues and understanding the emotions behind what's being said.
How Does Couples Therapy at West Coast Psychotherapy Help with Communication?
Couples therapy can equip you with the tools to communicate effectively. Here's what you can expect:
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Identifying Communication Patterns: I'll work with you both to recognize unhealthy patterns that hinder communication (specifically the four horsemen of the Apocalypse in Gottman Couples Therapy).
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Developing Active Listening Skills: I'll teach you tools for truly listening to your partner and understanding their perspective.
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Expressing Needs Assertively: You'll learn to communicate your needs in a clear, respectful, and non-blaming way.
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Building a Foundation for Healthy Conflict Resolution: Communication skills enable you to navigate disagreements constructively and find solutions together.
Conflict Resolution
From Gridlock to Growth
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Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. But for many couples, it can feel overwhelming and destructive. I take a different approach: I help you manage conflict as a path to deeper understanding and connection.
The Conflict-Free Relationship Myth
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Two of the biggest mistakes couples make are to believe that conflict is bad and try to have a conflict-free relationship or marriage. This is an impossible task when we have two individuals together, each with their own needs, perspectives, and experiences. In reality, healthy relationships involve navigating disagreements constructively.
Conflict Resolution Skills You'll Learn
Through couples therapy, you'll learn valuable skills for managing conflict, including:
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Softened/Gentle Start-up: Approach disagreements with respect and understanding.
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Repair and De-escalation: Identify and address negativity early to prevent escalation.
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Physiological Self-Soothing: Manage your own emotions during conflict to create space for productive conversation.
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Accepting What You Cannot Change: Learn to appreciate your partner's unique perspective, even if it differs from yours.
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Accepting Your Partner's Influence: Be open to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you.
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Conflict doesn't have to be the enemy. By learning to manage it effectively, you can create a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Therapy for Affairs and Infidelity
Infidelity is a devastating blow to any relationship. I understand the profound pain and betrayal it causes. Through the Gottman Method, I offer a structured framework for healing and rebuilding trust:
Identifying Underlying Issues: We'll explore the factors that may have contributed to the infidelity, such as emotional disconnect, destructive communication patterns, or unmet needs.
The Gottman Trust Revival Method: This three-phase approach guides couples through the Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment stages, fostering remorse, empathy, and a renewed sense of connection.
Rebuilding Trust: We'll equip you with the tools to communicate effectively, manage difficult emotions, and rebuild trust through consistent actions and transparency.
Couples Therapy for Drug Addiction or Alcohol Abuse
Couples grappling with the impact of drug or alcohol addiction often feel lost and unsure of where to turn. While individual support is crucial, navigating the complex challenges and negative consequences within the relationship requires specialized guidance. West Coast Psychotherapy offers a comprehensive approach that combines the Gottman Method with addiction recovery support:
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Understanding Addiction: I'll educate you on the nature of addiction, its impact on the brain and behavior, and the importance of professional treatment for your partner.
Addressing Denial: I'll help both partners recognize and address denial, a significant barrier to recovery.
Moving from Active Addiction to Recovery: I'll guide you through a structured process to support your partner's journey towards sustained sobriety.
Conflict Management: Learn healthy communication skills to navigate the emotional turmoil that often arises during recovery and rebuild a foundation of trust.
Setting Boundaries: I'll equip you with tools to establish healthy boundaries that protect yourself and the relationship from the destructive effects of addiction.
Relationship Recovery Plan: I'll collaborate with you to develop a plan that strengthens your relationship while supporting your partner's individual recovery journey.
Healing from Addiction: We'll address the negative consequences of addiction and guide you both towards personal and relational healing.
Building a Healthy Future: We'll work towards establishing individual and couple well-being, fostering a supportive family environment if children are involved.
Heal and Rebuild Your Relationship From Drug Addiction
West Coast Psychotherapy provides a safe and supportive space for couples to heal and rebuild their relationship while supporting the individual's recovery journey. Remember, healing from addiction is a long-term process, but with the right support and guidance, couples can emerge stronger and more connected.
Couples Therapy for Trauma
Trauma can have a profound impact on individual lives and, consequently, on relationships. Couples therapy that incorporates a trauma-informed approach can provide invaluable support for navigating the unique challenges faced by partners who have experienced traumatic events.
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I offer a safe and understanding space for couples to process trauma and thrive despite its effects.
What is Trauma and How does it Impact Your Relationship?
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Defining Trauma: We'll define trauma as the emotional result of an event where you felt helpless, frightened, and in danger, often accompanied by a sense of emotional and physical isolation. While most people heal from traumatic events, some individuals experience lasting negative consequences.
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Impact on Relationships: Trauma can be highly disruptive to relationships, as individuals may exhibit symptoms like anxiety, fear, anger, irritability, unpredictability, and problematic substance use.
How Couples Therapy Helps Those Who Experienced Trauma
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Understanding Trauma's Impact on Your Relationship: I'll guide you in understanding how trauma affects each partner and the relationship dynamics as a whole.
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Managing Trauma Symptoms: Learn to identify and manage triggers that may lead to emotional dysregulation or conflict. Develop healthy coping mechanisms to navigate these challenges effectively.
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Meeting Needs: I'll equip you with communication skills to express your needs clearly and work towards fulfilling each other's needs in a supportive manner.
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Conflict Management: Learn healthy conflict resolution strategies to address issues constructively, even when triggered by past trauma.
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Processing Past Events: I'll create a safe space to process past regrettable incidents that were influenced by trauma symptoms, fostering understanding and forgiveness.
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Building Meaning Together: Through open communication, shared experiences, and healthy coping mechanisms, couples can build a more resilient and supportive partnership, fostering healing and growth together.
Couples Therapy for Perpetual Problems
Did you know that research by renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman suggests that as many as 69% of conflicts experienced in relationships are what they call "perpetual problems"? These recurring issues can create frustration and distance, making couples feel stuck in an endless loop of arguments and disconnection. I understand the toll these issues can take on a relationship.
What are Perpetual Problems?
Perpetual problems are not necessarily dealbreakers, but they can be challenging because they often stem from deeper differences in personality, values, or communication styles. They might involve finances, chores, in-laws, or parenting disagreements.
How Couples Therapy Helps with Perpetual Problems
Couples therapy can equip you with the tools to navigate these challenges effectively. Here's how West Coast Psychotherapy can help:
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Understanding the Underlying Issues: I'll help you identify the deeper needs and emotions driving the conflict.
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Shifting Communication Patterns: Learn to communicate in a way that fosters empathy and understanding, rather than blame and defensiveness.
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Developing Conflict Resolution Skills: Equip yourselves with tools to address disagreements constructively and find solutions that work for both partners.
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Building a Shared Vision: I'll guide you in rediscovering your shared goals and values, strengthening the foundation of your relationship.
Couples therapy can provide the tools and support needed to navigate this path together. By addressing the impact of trauma within the relationship, couples can emerge stronger and more connected.
